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Piecing Together Perfection: Our Versions of the Ideal Hollywood Hunk

Piecing Together Perfection: Our Versions of the Ideal Hollywood Hunk

updated

Last month, Ashley and Jeff constructed the perfect Hollywood leading lady. But seeing as how Jeff's famous female Frankenstein took hideous to a new, freakish level, we called in a new DocShop writer who was willing to have his aesthetic sensibilities put to the test.

Now it’s time to create the man of every woman’s dreams. Will he have Justin Timberlake’s eyes and Matthew McConaughey’s chin? What about Usher’s legs and Brad Pitt’s butt? The possibilities (and potential) are endless, and with the help of plastic surgery, even the most standard of men can be transformed into our versions of McDreamy.

The Perfect Face

NOSE

Paul: I’m not sure whether it’s possible to have a perfect nose, but Stifler’s Seann William Scott’s nose is as perfect as they come. It’s not too wide, not too sharp, not too flat, and definitely not too big or small. I think noses are like long snapper in football – not being noted for anything is the best you can hope for. He definitely has a NILH: Nose I’d Like to Have.

Ashley: Jude Law has a nice nose. Jude Law has a nice everything, actually. C’mon ladies, I had to fit him on my list somehow.

EYES

Paul: Look into Jake Gyllenhaal’s eyes and you’ll understand why Heath Ledger’s character in Brokeback Mountain just didn’t know how to quit him. Those eyes will melt your heart and pull you in all at once.

Ashley: You know him as McDreamy on ABC’s hit show Grey’s Anatomy for a reason: Patrick Dempsey’s eyes are the perfect shade of come-hither blue. Talking about heart-melting!

CHIN/JAW LINE

Ashley: Hey, speaking of Patrick Dempsey, did you know that his chiseled jaw line is another one of his many McSexy characteristics? Mmmm hmmm.

Paul: You have no idea how much it pains me to pick Tom Brady for this one. This guy has it all – being America’s QB, a hot girlfriend, an equally hot baby’s mama. To boot, he has a chiseled jaw line and a dimpled chin. If it wasn’t for his soullessness, he’d be perfect.

LIPS

Ashley: If you thought this guy was done bringing SexyBack, you’re wrong. Go ahead and take a look at Justin Timberlake’s lips (if you can manage to stop admiring the rest of him).

Paul: Matt Damon , Mr. All-American himself, has J-Tim beat. If I was a chick, I might describe his lips as luscious. But since I'm not a chick and I won't publicly admit that I think they're luscious, let's just say that Mr. Damon's lips fit in with the rest of his All-American face.

HAIR

Paul: It seems like sort of a waste to choose Brad Pitt for his hair, but here he is. He can pull off the long locks, tousled bedhead, the complete shave, and pretty much any style in between. Jealous much? I am.

Ashley: I don’t (usually) like blondes, and even though I think Brad Pitt is mm-mm-good, I couldn’t bring myself to choose him for his hair. My choice might shock a few of you, and while I’ll admit that this guy is funny, he is definitely not funny looking. Dane Cook has that I-don’t-care-how-I-look-but-I’m-still-really-sexy-thing, and you just can’t beat that. And, ladies, I hear the way to his heart is through watermelon Jolly Ranchers®…

CHEEKS

Ashley : Awww, this guy’s so cute! Those irresistible dimples land Nick Lachey in the top spot for the best cheeks, especially when he shows off those pearly whites.

Paul: Sure, Nick Lachey can sing, but can he get jiggy? Will Smith – love him or hate him – possesses possibly the best-contoured, defined, and expressive cheeks in Celebredom. Even if he didn't have lips, you could still probably tell that he was happy.

The Perfect Body

PECS/CHEST

Ashley: I can forgive him for playing the bongo drums naked. In fact, I can’t blame him. Matthew McConaughey deserves to show off his incredible pecs. After all, it took a lot of nights of naked drumming to get those.

Paul: I'm saving Matt for later. In his stead, there's a reason Ladies Love Cool James. Even guys like me can recognize that LL Cool has the pecs we'd kill (ourselves) for.

ABS

Paul: Well, it's later. I've got McConaughey picked for best abs. He's got the type of abs that look like he didn't work for them – they just are the way they are. A Time to Kill? More like A Time to Have Awesome Abs. You see, his abs would kill me for a lame line like that.

Ashley: Holy rock hard abs! There were a lot of Hollywood dudes that could have taken the cake here. But Usher’s abs are the perfect combination of washboard goodness and…well, what else do you need?

LEGS

Ashley: Okay, why are some of our most wanted Tinsel Town starlets the only one’s to show off their legs? I mean, I’m not suggesting that our favorite hunks start wearing skirts or anything, I’m just sayin’, I have no clue who has the best legs! But I’m guessing it’s Tom Welling. He is Superman, after all.

Paul: I don't know if David Beckham achieved his enviable legs by being a world-class soccer player or by accompanying Posh on her epically long shopping trips. Either way, he avoids pretty boy chicken legs and instead shows off good tone and definition.

BUTT

Paul: I don't know much about Tom Welling, but I'm pretty sure most women would agree that he fills in those farmboy jeans pretty well when acting on Smallville. Also, as Ashley pointed out earlier, he's freakin’ Superman! What – Superman isn't supposed to have a nice ass?

Ashley: Don’t fret, ladies. Just because I’m not into blondes doesn’t mean I could leave his, um, assets out completely. Do me a favor: after you’re done staring at JT’s lips and Usher’s abs, take a good look at Brad Pitt’s butt. Savin’ the best for last.

Paul : That's why I'm (pardon the pun) squeezing myself and my ass into this final spot for an honorable mention.

How’s That for Testosterone

Ladies, it doesn’t get much better than this:

Ashley’s Guy Paul’s Guy

So what do the experts have to say about the I Want a Famous Face phenomenon? Check back later this month when we sit down to interview Dr. Kamran Khoobehi, a board-certified plastic surgeon in Louisiana, about the idea of celebrity plastic surgery makeovers.

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